Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Ice Breakers

Along with trying to hit the tying free throw with seconds left on the clock and facing a 2-3 pitch at the bottom of the ninth with your team down 1, “Ice Breakers” are arguably one of the most intense pressure situations single Sindhis face today.

Unfortunately Ice Breakers such as, “Do you come here often?”, “What’s your star sign” and “Can I check your collar to see if you’re made in heaven” just don’t have the same pizzazz they once had. Add to that the new-ish world of the internet and ‘Friendster’ and the whole game just got a lot harder. What is a person supposed to say, “Hey, I liked the font you used for your profile, damn sexy yaar”? Anyway, let’s not get ahead of ourselves and instead, break it down.

1. P2P (Person 2 Person)
P2P applies to ‘Stone Cold’ (not the wrestler) Ice Breaking. You may be at some sort of gathering and notice someone well, worth noticing. Most of us are too shy to walk across that abyss between yourself and the ‘target’. If you’ve ever tried it, you’ll feel the pressure mount with every step until you fear your vertebrae will crack! When you set off on your mini odyssey, you have a plan but half way you discover how pathetic the plan really is. By then, it’s far too late and turning back isn’t an option. When you arrive at your destination with clammy palms, you’ve already lost unless, she likes you and there is very little you can say wrong except;

“Who are your parents? What do they do? Want to go for a spin in my Honda Accord?”

Looking at it from a male perspective (if I had a natural woman’s perspective, that would be disturbing), women don’t make it easy. They may ‘shoot’ us a look *dishhknaau dishhknaau * (you know who you are) and mistakenly think its enough. Firstly, are you aiming accurately?

“Hi puddin’ I saw you shoot me a look, can I buy you a whisky black?”
“Urrm, No it was the other guy, sorry. I guess I need some target practice”

Secondly, most men don’t have a clue even if it jumped up and grabbed their butt. Actually, that would be a pretty decent clue.

A majority of men have issues with the physical gap between them and the blossoming flower at the other end so my suggestion is to try and find a territory suitable to both e.g the Bar or Dessert cart. Gents, you can only hope that she leaves her kitty group and meets you there to make it less intimidating. If not, drown your sorrows of rejection with booze or some sort of pastry.

I am aware that ladies prefer the man to walk through their rummy group and talk to them but that may not always lead to the best catch.

Thus to summarize, a little help please!

2. The Online Affair
The argument for the online affair swings both ways. On one hand you aren’t put in the spot and performing from the shadows can leave you loose and uninhibited so you can let your best work rip via your keyboard. Then again, who are you really talking too? Eventually, if all goes well, you’d end up meeting your cyber-love but now you are in the spot light. In fact the situation is likely to be more awkward since you’d know your MSN/AIM buddy quite well and yet they’d be a stranger or worse, your own brother/sister!

3. The ‘FRIENDSTER’ Equation
For those that don’t know about the newest craze, ‘’. Add me, I’m looking to hit 500 and need 499 more friends. First, one browses through and finds a cutie they’d like to know. Then, you’ll notice they have more friends on their page then people you’ve met in your entire life. You wonder how to make a positive impact without making it obvious that you are simply interested in them because of their picture. You’ll come up with some drivel such as “Wow, you certainly have a lot of friends, you must be really popular”. Nice one chief! At the end of the day, either you’ll be ignored or deleted unless you send a stellar message or they too find you attractive. In few cases, you’ll come across individuals who are open to just meeting people, any people.

4. The Walk By
How many times have you been walking on a street and see someone coming towards you from the opposite direction that just blew your mind? The moment only lasts for a few seconds as the gap between the two of you quickly deteriorates with every step. At first you are memorized by their star quality and by the time you realize that something should be done, they’ve passed you by and the gap widens with each step. You hope they turn around and stop you and vice-versa. At work and tell your friends about this “Oh My God!” person and regret not having done anything. Question is…what do you do? It’s a tough situation and requires quick thinking, a reflex almost. Whatever you do, don’t grab them and say “You parents are thieves for they stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes” otherwise we’ll have another Rodney King incident on our hands. I’d suggest turn around, walk beside them and say;

“Would you mind if I joined you? I just realized we’re both heading in the same direction”. If that’s not charming enough, make sure you aren’t late for work!

At the end of the day children, unless you try……you’ll never know! What’s the worst that could happen, you miss the free throw or you strike out. Its’ only a game and there’s always next season.

Chandru Bhojwani

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